I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
