I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
