Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
