I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
