are you still at the devil's house?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
