Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
