Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
