its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Text me some of your sweat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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