I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
