Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
