If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
