I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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