there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
