And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
