I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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