So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
