No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
