He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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