I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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