I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
