people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
