On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
