Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
