Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
