whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
