Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
