My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
