My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
