I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
