I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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