you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
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Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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