I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
