Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
