Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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