Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
