Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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