I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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