I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
