Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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