do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize