yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
