and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
