I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
