my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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