i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
operation have a gay friend backfired
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
