How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
