Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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