We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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