Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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