my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
