he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
