I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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