Kiss
Puke
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
