i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
