So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize