Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
