We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
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btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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