If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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