Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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