I accidentally burped into my bong.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
