Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well I just put wine in my tea
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
