I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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