my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
