Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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