Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
