3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My first STD was from a foam party
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize