Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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