just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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