HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
