we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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