also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
