just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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