sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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