im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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