Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
