just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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