you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Bring me that man meat
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
