seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
