at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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