Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
