It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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