Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
