And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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