you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
