He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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