I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
