dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
