Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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